I never felt like such a failure before.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
I am currently editing my investiture speech when something popped into my mind.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GIVE MY EXCOS ON THAT DAY. OMG.
I mean it's not compulsory, but I really appreciate them for their service to the board. And frankly, I need to acknowledge that, if not, I will feel like I failed as a leader. After all, I need to encourage the heart. And this is the perfect opportunity to do so.
They did so much for the board and I'm really thankful for their presence. The amount of effort they put in during camps and during our own investiture...
The last thing that I would want to do is to forget and not appreciate them.
Especially for this.
Oh my. :'D
What should I do? Hmmm.
Hello. :D
So...My friends and I went to the LoL 1st anniversary party.
THE WHOLE DAY WAS SO EPIC. No. Not really because of the event. But because of food. :X
We went to pastamania to have breakfast and they served Shaun's and Xavier's pasta twice. And the guys claimed that they were humble enough to reject the 2nd serving. More like they were too full. Tsk. :P
In the afternoon, we head to Mac and Shaun ordered Mcflurry. He took the Banana flavoured one (which was actually someone else's). He told the crew and got another original one, for free. Lucky day huh?
Oh wait, there's more! We went to Toastbox for dinner. The person served Anders' curry chicken twice and gave me kaya toast instead of butter. I mean, I was really lucky, after all, kaya toast cost more. :D
Okay, I just find it amusing. If you don't then too bad.
Next, if you had added me on facebook, you would have seen this. Help me like it! If I get more than 30 likes, Aleen will treat me starbucks! Go go go! XD
Monday, June 11, 2012
"What's your hobby?"
I hate the fact that I can't answer such questions. And I would, at all costs, shun such questions. I do have certain interests, like reading and gaming, but I don't really consider them as hobbies. Don't ask me why. It's how my brain classifies things.
And then it hit me.
I like to think. So... thinking is my hobby! :D
I'm serious. o.o
Think as in figure out why things turned out a certain way, and what could have been done to change the outcome. Think as in to analyse my life, to analyse different things, different situations.
But definitely not figure out arithmetic questions. ._.
I guess I'm rather eccentric. Who the hell considers thinking as their hobby? Everybody thinks. It is necessary for everyone to function.
I don't know. I like to figure out how things work. And from there, I would drift off to another subject, such as... Certain people around me. I would analyse their behaviour and actions and try to make sense out of everything that has happened.
Wait... Am I judging people? Is that considered judging them? o.o Gosh. I'm starting to find this weird. I tend to over think stuff. Hahah, I'm not surprised if I end up being super paranoid someday.
Oh, and before I go any further, no, I don't day dream. I think. It's different.
There's a huge difference in both you see. When you day dream, your thoughts will lead you "astray". You will tend to drift off to this imaginary land and visualise all sorts of different things. It's like the dreams you have at night. Random, weird and sometimes senseless.
On the other hand, thinking is different. No, I shouldn't say thinking. I should say trying to assimilate and comprehend things. In this case, you tend to focus on a certain topic or subject. You would try to foresee outcomes or try to conclude and make sense out of what has already happened. You would try to visualise different outcomes. It is to understand what you have not. It is to make complete sense out of none.
Sounds contradicting? Nah. Think about it. Figure it out. ;D
Hahahah. I can be a philosopher or something. Chey. As if. My IQ and EQ ain't that high anyways.
Such a habit doesn't seem to cultivate any good in me though. ._.
Ok wait. Let's hope it does. Nah, I won't hope. I will think about it. :P
Friday, June 8, 2012
Be warned. Extremely wordy post.
Exactly a week since you passed away.
For those who are unsure of what's going on, let me enlighten you. My dog passed away on 1st May.
So for those who can't careless, please click that x on the top right hand corner of your window or tab. Let me go on.
It all started when my dog was diagnosed with jaundice, heart and liver problems. That was about... 3 weeks back? A few days before we brought her to the vet, she didn't eat much. No appetite I guess.
We were all so worried. Brought her to the vet and she was diagnosed with all these conditions. I did not believe the vet at first. He wasn't even serious during the consultation, let alone sound serious about it. My dad apparently said something that agitated him and the next thing I know, the vet said :"You might as well put him to sleep."
I get it, it was late at night, you are tired and cranky from a whole day of consultation. But come on, my dog is in such a serious condition and you gave us the "can't be bothered" attitude? And because my father questioned you about stuff you had to say such inhumane things. Some kind of vet you are.
He gave my dog heaps of medicine. I mean it. One whole bag, a variety of pills. My dog is still quite healthy, I thought to myself, why need so much pills?
I told the vet that my dog has no appetite, so she will not consume any food, let alone take the pills.
He gave the worse suggestion that we heed. Smash the pills, mix it with water, force and pump it down my dog's throat using a syringe. Oh, and did I mention that he did not tell us about my dog having jaundice? I have to overhear it from the nurses to find out. Seriously? WORSE VET EVER.
This whole thing went on for 2 weeks. My dog even refused to eat. We have to keep her alive by forcing her to drink glucose solution. The appetizers weren't working and I got so scared. I asked my family to bring her back to the vet. But no one heeded my advice. Financial issues, my dad said.
It was a Friday. I had supplementary lessons that morning and as usual, I have to report to school by 7:50 if I'm not wrong. I woke up early that day. I was brushing my teeth when I heard my parents panicking in the living room. I didn't even rinse my mouth and just threw my toothbrush in the sink. My dog puked out the medicine. She was panting and she looked horrible. Very unlike her usual self.
The next moment was the scene which I can never forget. It became an often flashback. It was so terrifying. Why? Because I witnessed my loved one die. Right in front of my own eyes.
She started pissing herself and panting non-stop. After a few seconds, she stopped. My dad and I were so worried, we keep calling out her name. She seemed to struggle to keep herself alive. And after a few more seconds, she started panting again. This time, with her tongue sticking out.
I called the clinic's emergency hotline. It was 7am at that time. Exactly 7. I explained the emergency my dog was in. I was fuming after I heard the reception's response.
"Ok, why not bring her in for consultation at 9? Sending her in now means extra charges."
My next reaction? I shouted at her, right through the phone.
"MY DOG IS DYING AND YOU WANT ME TO SEND HER 2 HOURS LATER? DON'T YOU HAVE AN AMBULANCE FOR EMERGENCY CONSULTATIONS?"
"We do have emergency consultations, with extra charges of course, but we don't have any transport."
Who cares about the extra charges? It's a goddamn emergency.
I hung up right away.
My dog stopped panting.
She passed away. After panting for awhile. Just like that.
I guess we only had ourselves to blame huh?
At least she brought joy to the family for the past years. We practically grew up together.
At times when I broke down, she would come up to me, get my attention and try to cheer me up.
She would wake me and my dad up from naps, stop fights in my family, and most importantly, she was there for every single one of us.
I'm glad you are at a much better place now. Thanks for the awesome memories. (:
You see, the 2nd half of the day didn't went well for me either.
I broke down right away after her death. Made some preparations, washed up and head to school.
The lesson before our break was SS. And our teacher wasn't here. I did something I wasn't proud of.
I skipped SS and had a long lunch break.
You see, I have a bad habit of binge eating whenever I get upset.
We went to Domino's and one of the guys called back. He claimed that there was no teacher. Fine, so we continued.
Went back to school and my form teacher saw me. She caught me and apparently vent her anger on me, I presume.
My friend and I were caught by her. She talked to both of us and I answered her questions directly. She said I was being rude and defensive towards her and let my friend off before she proceeded to lecture me.
She claimed I was rude and my actions were shocking as a student leader. She demanded an explanation from me. Ok, so I did raise my voice a little I guess. I don't remember. But I went along and told my loved one passed away and I was upset the whole day. And perhaps I could't handle everything and sort of let my emotions overwhelm me. Quick side note, I apologised more than 3 times and almost broke down because I really cannot handle everything. Why? She said she was wasting time talking to me and could have went for early lunch instead. She even used my testimonial to scare me. Saying she would delete the lies and add in more of the truth instead.
Let me say this, LEADERS MAKE MISTAKES.
I was apologetic for both of my actions.
Oh, worse still, she said this.
"Just because your loved one... Just because such a thing happened, doesn't mean the whole world revolves around you and only your emotions!"
So, instead of having a bit of sympathy and empathy, you have to make things worse and hurt me with your dagger-like words. I swore I was apologetic throughout time we were "talking." That day couldn't get any better huh?
I am learning from my mistakes and trying to make as little as possible.
No one is a freaking perfectionist. No leader is. Not even our own teachers. Whatever, I'm going to bury the hatchet and let her be. I apologised so many times. Can't do much.
I'm sure someone will try to screenshot certain parts of this post and send it to our teachers. Please, send the whole link instead of images. At least sabotage me with the real post, not fake, "selected" parts of my post.
I have so much more I want to say. But I guess I won't blog about it now. Such a lengthy post.
And by the way, I apologise if I have offended anyone because of this post. Wait, why are you offended again? Find me personally if you have any problems with all these. -.-
If you have read till here, thanks. I really appreciate the effort.
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