Trust no man, fear no bitch.

I feel that people take me for granted. Seriously.

It feels so horrible. Knowing the fact that no one can be trusted. History repeats itself. 

I was enjoying my day. Chatting away and doing my notes, eating dinner and talking about random stuff.

And your call, it changed my life. Really, ain't exaggerating. 

It made me realised that I really do have a massive crush on him. And then you have to spoil my day. Fucking bastard. To think you understand how I feel, and you are my closest guy friend. 

Or should I say were? Hah. Do you know how long it took for me to trust people again, after the first library incident? 

And then she told me about you. And I was so shocked. Fuck you bitch. And you too, fucking gay. 

Seriously. You people take me for granted. Did I ever play that horrible prank on you? NO. Bastard.

And to make things worse, hah, parents. 

Just because of a newspaper? What the heck? It isn't about money. It's just bloody 90 cents. I want love. Not money. I want trust, not money. In fact, I rather be poor, than to be this unhappy.

You saw me crying. And you have to scold me to make things worse. 

None of you care. Just curious, right? I'm so done with everything. 

Truth is, no one will care. They claim they do, but they are just curious. They just want to know what had happened. And after that, they will despise you for who you are.
Meaningful lesson learnt today.
Shouldn't open up to people again huh? Smart choice. Be independent.
:D

Problems are never ending. I'm not wishing for the best nor am I going to wish for the worse to come. Nah, wishes, 11:11(s), they exist just to give false hope. Not going to wish for anything anymore. Learning to be independent = best solution ever.
Haters got to hate. I have no idea what got into both of you, but I've decided I should give up on both of you. Not worth my time, not worth my tears. Best friend, close friend? Sorry, this is all bullshit. (:
I guess this few months were really emotional and problematic. But I guess that's how life is. Not everyone is going to appreciate all the effort you've put in. Not everything will be smooth sailing and most people will not be there for you even when they claim they will. And I came to overcome the fear of allowing my close ones to put on cement shoes. Everyone is going to find cash in their chips someday, and we just have to let go when the time comes.
All I want to do now is to concentrate on my studies and just try my best to fight for my rights to stay in this school . I'm sure it's possible.
P.S. Do you know, those who smile and laugh the most are the ones who faced or went through the most emotional pain?

CIVIC DISTRICT TOUR WAS THE MOST TORTUROUS TRIP OF MY LIFE. -.-
I swear. The past week isn't a good one, every single day I spent in school sucks. And faking smiles have never been any harder before.
Let me tell a short story..
There is this group of people. They name themselves "problems". They have this ally called "stress". They have a common interest; to ruin people's life. They make people's life miserable and they seem to have everything planned out nicely. Take for example, what happened to Japan. "Problems" caused an earthquake there. Japan saw this coming and have backup lights and electricity ready when the earthquake broke the main source of power. However, "problems" knew that Japan was ready, and launch a tsunami, causing panic. It even cause the nuclear plant to leak and hence, "stress" came in to create havoc.
Why am I saying all these crap?
You got me. They approached me.
You must be thinking, bullshit. You are comparing your life to the people in Japan? Come on, you got a way better life than them!
So please, allow me to finish what I'm trying to convey here.
Seems like "problems" and "stress" tried a brand new approach on me. "problems" started out first, but their approach was slow and small. "stress" came in as planned. He gave me a truckload of things to do and settle. "problems" strike again. How? In all aspects. Their plan took quite some time. But the outcome was very satisfying for them.
You see, the thing is, some people are able to overcome both of them whenever they strike.
But I can't.
They had everything planned out nicely. And they had fun bullying me. They were so happy to see me cry. Everything went better than planned.
Dramatic, it may seem. Believe it a not, but it's a true story.
Think I'm exaggerating? Wait till you have the fear of losing your parents anytime.
Why can't they tell me when I was a little younger? I regret everything. I didn't appreciate the fact that I had a happy family.
The next thing I know, I will really be off to some other country, under the care of a guardian.
My closest aunt might just pass away anytime. And that made things worse.
It's not that I don't want to tell my friends anything. But it's hard, to get it all out of my mouth.
Dear friends, do you guys understand how I feel now?

I FEAR GOING TO SCHOOL.

This week is killing me. In fact since the starting of the year. Shit 2011. Seriously.
I don't know whether it's stress or am I just too upset. I lose my appetite recently. I'm hungry but I have to force myself to eat. And if I can't. I will just skip meals. And this caused me to put on a lot of weight. Gahh. Yea. I'm this weird. I have to eat to prevent myself from gaining weight. -____-
The fact that yesterday was speech day sucked. Lots of photos will be up on fb. Photos of all of you marching, having fun and in the process, wipe me out of your memories. Tried putting that at the back of my head yet I can't. The fact that 6 of you are my closest friends hurts even more. Putting words in my mouth, removing that particular thing and replacing me with some other people, even juniors.
Yesterday, I wanted to look for you guys. I walk towards all of you, and I saw all of you having so much fun. I can't help but turn back. I felt like breaking down at that point of time. But I have to go up to the rest of the teachers and councillors with a smile. Fml much?
The whole group of you walk pass me like nothing had happened. Even when I approach you and talk to you. You gave me that freaking awkward smile. All you said was "What? Oh. Okay. Hi. Yea, I know, Our cca improved a lot."
I don't want to go to school anymore. "You should have transferred to Cedar. Even though you will be in the last class there." The "best" advice ever. Thanks a lot.
And all these are happening at the wrong time. At the time when I have so much to do. When I need the most support.
There's still so much more I have to keep to myself. And I'm going crazy.

I found my sec 1 Ncdcc cca photo. Best cadet last time. Now what? ):
Yeah. My heart still ache a lot about it. I place so much effort, so much pride on my cca. Life is never fair huh? O'well. Bye SNCO. ): My dream of geting WO as well.
OKAY SHUT UP CARISSA. Who cares? Grrr.